Lost in Reality.

We are all in this world,
trying to constantly figure out who we really are.
what we want to do.
what we aim to achieve.
and what actually interest us.

Many-a-times.
we get too influenced by our surroundings,
that it ends up shaping us.
the culture.
family.
and friends.

but is this who we are?

It's about time for me to step out of the comfort zone.
To plunge into an entire world of darkness.
and finding the guiding light that brings me back up.

Every day seems to be so routine.
everything seems to be pre-planned for me.

How would it be like if one day,
everything that I once had, is lost.
My friends, my family, my education.
nothing.

What would I do?
Where would I be.

Appearance is nothing but a mere facade.
The mystery of the inner soul.
Your abiding principles that you always followed.
Are nothing more than just rules that you set for yourself.

Your hair. Be it long or short.
Your attitude.
Does it really make a difference?

Who am i.

Often, I find myself unwilling to venture forward.
To just go crazy.
Something just seems to be restricting me.
Something just seems to be holding me back.

Why is it that people can just so willingly take up smoking.
Why is it that people can go clubbing late at night, and are willing to spend it all.
To leave home, and stay elsewhere without pre-notice.
What is the reason that holds me back.

I don't wanna live a routine lifestyle anymore.
Everyday ought to be different.
Everyday should be a surprise.
I wanna be independent.
I wanna really, really try living out of Singapore.
Away from the place I call home.

But.
is it really that simple?

For one, a big reason that holds me back.
is my mum.
Would leaving her at home alone,
having her meals by herself,
make me a good son?
it just doesn't seem right.

This is probably one of the core reasons,
why I'm not fighting for a space in hall.
Even though I know how enticing it is to be staying in one.

Life is never so simple.

But.
nevertheless.
Just for one day.
or maybe a week.
I wanna escape from reality.
and find out who i am.

urgh.