A step back

if things were to turn out ths way,
I rather turn my back away.

Breathe.

breathe.

art-mod

Haven't had the time to blog much.
but i've just cleared my art mod.
quite satisfied with it.

Watch out for the photos! =)

Spate of Cheer ups.

Weilee suddenly spotted a spate of cheerup messages.

Saw this comment on my friend's blog.
by beholder. not too sure who it is.
but found it quite inspirational.

"
I don’t think we can forget the people we love, and experience what some people call closure. We can come to terms with it, but not turn numb. There’s no reason or rhyme but emotion, pure, simple, human emotion. Sadness is unpleasant, but isn’t wrong. Scissoring the past, censoring what we hold dear and blocking out the truth is an understandable reaction, but a step backwards."

owells.
i guess that sums it all.

Helpless.

I lost 2 of my very, very close friends last week.

But I'm glad that i made more over at the other side.
one event links to another.
and i guess God has it all planned out.

First he brought me people to integrate with into the system,
sieves out the best few for me,
and slowly, one by one removes them from my life.
After a certain period of time,
he re-adds new people into the system.
repeating the whole process,
and watch me once again, live in agony.

it's a tiring process,
don't you think so?

I feel terrible.


you're right.
things are no longer the same.
we're drifters.

holding on to the rope,
just seems so torturous.
i wanna let go.

but i just can't bring myself to it.

i can't hold it in.
wanna scream it out loud.
but i can't.
cos some things are just not meant to be.

jtb.
willy.
jtb.

Time and tide waits for no man.

*/
"time will bury all tides,
and i guess.
all i needed was time."

what a stupid theory.

明知山有虎， 偏向虎山行。

This week's been pretty much of a hell week.
to get 60% for 101, and 106's bad enuf.
and now. 5% for my maths,
life's really becoming a joke.

just went crazy,
and sent that stupid W.H. an email.
hahaa. wonders what he's expression is when he reads it.
cfm fuming mad.
so be prepared dudes, for the sleeping dragon is now awoken.

明知山有虎，
偏向虎山行。

sometimes, i just can't fight against my conscience.
and thus, i've gotta face the consequences.
can't understand how some people could do it.

The Awakening.

Have thought things thru'.
some things are just not meant to be.
no point sulking over it.
get up.
straighten those shirt of urs.
and move on, dude.

tomorrow's gonna be a better day.

losing control

Somehow, I seem to be losing control of myself.
not knowing when to smile.
not knowing what to say.
I'm too tired to even smile.

i seem to be going back to those days.

to mask it all.

如果海会说话,
如果風会愛上砂.

Everytime i see it happening,
week after week.
my mood drops skyhigh.

duno why.
there's this tingling wierd feeling.
I so wanna put on a smile.
but just can't fit into that mask.
shares has since become one of those simple masks i picked up.

knowing that things are changing.
that things are no longer the same.
i can't help, but grow distant.

life in uni has now become
nothing more than a mere facade of show-tell.
everyday seems to be like a play.
so put on those glamourous clothes.
waiting for the show to begin.

we're all.
living in this whole world of pretence.

it just hurts.

I guess i'm not good at acting.
i never was.

these few days have been better.
though certain facts are still unchanged.

anyway. went for the nike race today.
felt great after the run.
simply love the shag. tired. helpless feeling.

thursday blues.

feels sad.

fuck.

Run or Hide

When these things happen.
Either you run as far as you can.
and possibly finding a spot,
to simply disappear into the unknown.

or bury yourself with heaps and heaps of work.
to keep yourself occupied,
till your brain has no time,
to even breathe.

Defining Norm.

What is the norm?
who has the right to approve of things?
what is right.
and what is wrong?

are you in a position to comment?

Chore

Attending functions where I don't feel like.
is really a chore.

Sudden Urge.

I have this sudden urge
to book a flight to god-knows-where.
and really, venture out on my own,
for a couple of days.
away from family.
away from friends.

hmm. where should i go.

Lost in Reality.

We are all in this world,
trying to constantly figure out who we really are.
what we want to do.
what we aim to achieve.
and what actually interest us.

Many-a-times.
we get too influenced by our surroundings,
that it ends up shaping us.
the culture.
family.
and friends.

but is this who we are?

It's about time for me to step out of the comfort zone.
To plunge into an entire world of darkness.
and finding the guiding light that brings me back up.

Every day seems to be so routine.
everything seems to be pre-planned for me.

How would it be like if one day,
everything that I once had, is lost.
My friends, my family, my education.
nothing.

What would I do?
Where would I be.

Appearance is nothing but a mere facade.
The mystery of the inner soul.
Your abiding principles that you always followed.
Are nothing more than just rules that you set for yourself.

Your hair. Be it long or short.
Your attitude.
Does it really make a difference?

Who am i.

Often, I find myself unwilling to venture forward.
To just go crazy.
Something just seems to be restricting me.
Something just seems to be holding me back.

Why is it that people can just so willingly take up smoking.
Why is it that people can go clubbing late at night, and are willing to spend it all.
To leave home, and stay elsewhere without pre-notice.
What is the reason that holds me back.

I don't wanna live a routine lifestyle anymore.
Everyday ought to be different.
Everyday should be a surprise.
I wanna be independent.
I wanna really, really try living out of Singapore.
Away from the place I call home.

But.
is it really that simple?

For one, a big reason that holds me back.
is my mum.
Would leaving her at home alone,
having her meals by herself,
make me a good son?
it just doesn't seem right.

This is probably one of the core reasons,
why I'm not fighting for a space in hall.
Even though I know how enticing it is to be staying in one.

Life is never so simple.

But.
nevertheless.
Just for one day.
or maybe a week.
I wanna escape from reality.
and find out who i am.

urgh.

Failure

And it feels as though i'm going for an interview,
knowing that I'll already be disappointed.

Defeat.

somehow just seem to love the feeling of defeat.







Try - Asher Book


If i walk, would you run?
If i stop, would you come?
If i say you're the one, would you believe me?
If i ask you to stay, would you show me the way?
Tell me what to say so you don't leave me.
The world is catching up to you
While you're running away to chase your dream
It's time for us to make a move cause we are asking one another to change
And maybe i'm not ready

Chorus
But I'll try for your love
I can hide up above
I will try for your love
We've been hiding enough

If i sing you a song, would you sing along?
Or wait till i'm gone, oh how we push and pull
If i give you my heart would you just play the part
Or tell me it's the start of something beautiful.
Am i catching up to you?
While your running away to chase your dreams
It's time for us to face the truth cause we are coming to each other to change
And maybe i'm not ready

Chorus
But I'll try for your love
I can hide up above
I will try for your love
We've been hiding enough

I will try for your love
I can hide up above

2x huh huhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh huh huhhh

If i walk would you run
If i stop would you come
If i say you're the one would you believe me