my life's pretty f-uped nw..
i'm jobless.

i desperately want a job.
anyjob.
any job u hear me!

when the opportunites are plenty,
i rejected them.
when the opportunities fade away,
i can no longer find them anymore.
no matter how hard u try.

its really quite sad,
to see dream bubbles start bursting.
leaving nothing but a pool of mess below.
quite frustrating too, actually.

All the zoo stuff,
the hotel fantasy,
the casino dream,
and the stat-board goal.

are like roadblocks.
they have become a deterrent.
they have caused damage.
life's pretty unfair.

I realise life's pretty funny.
when you first meet someone,
you probably would see everyone very biased-ly.
the slightly chio-er would seem very chio.
the slightly ugli-er would seem very ugly.
the slightly more open, would seem very open.
the slightly quieter, would seem very quiet.

as you progress slowly,
your mind starts to tell you things slightly differently.
your impression of people start to change.
and this change can be a little more shocking than u cld imagine.

people who were "once" chio, might not be perfect.
people who were "once" ugly, might not be that bad after-all.
people who were "once" open, might not be able to last long..
people who were "once" quiet, might have a different. a totally different life that you didn't know.

Gradually,
perspective of people start to change.
people are no longer the ones that u once thot they were.
you start to classify people.
Good People, bad people.
Close friends, moderately ok friends, distant friends, best-to-not-meet friends.
most often start off first in the category,
then slowly slips the way down the line.

then of cos there are those stucked on top too.
bt those are few.

slowly as time starts to pass,
memories fade.
contacts increase,
but conversation decreases.
decreases.
silents.

den one fine day,
when u look back at these memories.
on how close a friend u once were,
you suddenly start to realise that the
line u once drew start to fade away.
you no longer see that person as a chio-ugly-open-quiet person.
He is now a friend.
a long-lost friend.

created something interesting.
go check it out...
www.the-search-engine.synthasite.com

Adapted from Wikipedia.

"In Sept'08, Sundaravej was removed from office by the Constitutional Court of Thailand.

By October'08, Wongsawat was unable to access his offices, which were occupied by protesters from the PAD.

Protests force closure of Thailand's int'l airport.

The Thai government removed the police chief from his post and shifted him to a relatively unimportant position.

Thailand's army chief told the government on Wednesday to step down..."

What a chaotic mess.
and more importantly,
I CANT GO FOR MY THAILAND TRIP anymore!!!
dammit!


"Thais are also well-known for their friendliness and hospitality, leading to the country's so called reputation as the "Land of Smiles."" - Wikipedia.org
really?

lol. i used to think that covering food with a cover,
was to protect it from the unwanted radiation emited by the microwave oven.
i guess, i was wrong all along.
its actually to prevent the liquid content from spilling out of the bowl,
to hold steam for fast and even cooking.
haha. how naive i was..

we will all set off with the same kind of mindset to find jobs...
wanting to find big and ambitious ones,
wanting to find those with gd sounding reputation..
bt eventually,
we will all succumb to the sad reality tt all these are hard to get,
and probably end up going for jobs,
nt to earn money,
bt just so nt to let the bank acc drop to negative..

Just came back from a wedding dinner.
the food was rather nice.
I saw alot of distant relatives that i din't even knew existed,
and I could tell that the relationships b/w
us and the slightly-more-distant-relatives are actually becoming quite distant too.

This is quite a saddening trend,
as cousins and nieces that i once played with,
have grown bigger, taller and are becoming more unfamiliar.
We are no longer as close as we once were,
playing with the yellow toy trucks, the mcdoodle board, and talking about pokemon.
We now talk about boring and mundane stuffs like university plans, school.
So much so that, it becomes a little awkward now.

Then i start wondering.
if i happen to get married one day..
and i invite close relatives, or rather people i can talk to.
den i probably would just need 6 tables.
one for relatives on my dad's side. (5+2+1)
one for relatives on my mum's side. (6+4)
one for my Secondary school friends.
one for my JC friends and Army friends.
one for my University friends.
and one for me and my immediate family. (4+?)

oh how different would that be.
how much money would i be able to save too..
but then i tink again.
the bride's side would have her chunk of family,
and it probably wouldn't be just so little anywayz.
soo. oh crapz.

Just read thru my archives,
and realised that some entries were quite interesting..
lol

I just realised that 3 years ago,
on this very day,
my blog was born.

Happy birthday blog.

The scouts are the eyes and the ears of the battalion.
They do stuff you can't,
see things you don't,
go to places you won't.
To them,
it's part of their job to reduce the uncertainties and to be sure of the unsure.
In short, they suffer...
so that many others don't.

This is RECCE.

Well,
today marks the date of my freedom.
it's been a long while since my ord calendar did the countdown..
till i almost forgot the message that will pop out when the counter hits zero.
i've finally gotten my pink ic.

Unlike the school times,
i guess this is probably one of the hardest times for me to leave.
to get away, and move on.
somehow or rather,
it's pretty hard to leave this time round.

It was very hard to say goodbye.
I walked from bunk to bunk,
wanting to say my last words for them,
but all i could do was just sit there,
by their side.

In camp,
we would often walk from room to room,
chitchatting,
joking,
watching movies,
fighting,
doing some bodyart.
we would bitch about people we din't like,
we would sing songs till dawn.
At home,
all there is juz the three of us.
haha. i feel so lonely!!!!

Nevertheless,
i am glad that i have not wasted my 1yr10mths here,
and i am proud to say that i will leave this place,
with no regrets.

With pride we lead..

ohmy.
as i look at my count down timer slowly but quickly
inching second by second towards the 11th of november,
i cant help but feel happy.

1 day, 40minutes, 24seconds.

Indeed, army had been a very long and tiring one for me.
But it certainly was an opportunity for me to learn several things.
For one, it defintely was a chance for me to pick up some leadership skills,
to choose and dictate the direction and tempo for my team.

We were empowered the heavy responsibility of taking care for the welfare of others,
as well as the safety of my buddy.
another person's life was now placed under our care.

Army showed me how vulnerable was life.
It gave me the opportunity to handle emergencies,
witness suicide attempts,
and taught me how to face it bravely.

It taught me perseverance, and endurance.
It taught me that rank matters, but only to a certain extent.
It taught me the importance of time and being on time.
It taught me that people often scold,
not because they want to,
but because they have to.
and it is often those that keep quiet,
that are the worse of the lot.

It showed me the ugly side of people, who live on a mindset that
1) "if it doesn't benefit me, whatfor do it."
2) "the whole world owes me a living, but i better not show it to others that i'm the real bad guy"
3) "there's always someone else who would do it".
4) "he's the boss, whatever he say counts. who cares if i know it's not the best way to do things" attitude.
But then, there was also the good side.
people who are willing to sacrifice.
people who are willing to voice out their opinion.
people who do not choose to stay in the background, but stand out.

it gave me the opportunity to meet hundreds of other people.
There in BMT, there were a whole bunch of young recruits waiting to be enlisted.
It was there, that i met 46 of them.
Then in SISPEC, there were a few officerswannabe and whatsnot.
i met 36 of them.
Then in RCC, the suay people gathered together for a course.
i met 100 of them.
And finally in 3SIR.
Signals, there were about 12 i know.
ATGM, there were about 9 i know.
Pioneer, there was like about 5 i know.
Scout platoon, there were 73.

the total number of people the Army let me meet, was close to 300 people.
pretty amazing.
So much so that, when u walk on the streets.. its really not surprising to see one or two streaming in. or maybe three. four or five.

But most importantly,
it gave me many friends,
friends that i can say fought along with me.
friends that i won't want to forget.

The one year ten months is finally over,
but the journey had only just begun.
(trust me, reservist sounds worse.)

One of my friend shared with me something that i think is quite true.
Alot of us, often have many opinions.
many thoughts,
many feelings.
However,
manyatimes we just choose to stay in the background,
quietly listening.
quitely observing.

Why do you choose to be so
afraid of sharing that opinion,
scared of giving that thought.

i guess its time to stand up for yourself,
and tell the others straight,
what you think is right, or wrong.
and where you want to go.

its not like you will be getting some beating or what.
why be afraid?
and if army havent taught us anything yet.
now is the time.
its time to change.

had another one of those best days in my life.

Just called a fwen of mine,
he was from 41sar.
eventhough he was not a scout,
but when i asked him how was his atec,
he sounded confident and proud of his unit.

he knew most of the co-ord points like the back of his mind,
he could tell me paths that he walked, that i never knew existed.
maybe its just him tt's like tt.
or a competitive streak.
but, i'm really impressed.

do people really donate out of good will?
or izit cause...
1) they just wanna empty out their purse to make it less heavy.
2) they are with their girl and they want to make themselves appear generous.
3) they want something good in return.
4) they are interested in vouchers that might be given out.
5) they just find the lil' girl they are donating to pretty.

then again.. on the receiving side,
are they really volunteering to spend their Saturdays outside helping, out of good will?
or izit cause...
1) they just want the cip points.
2) they were forced into it.
3) or worst still, the undisclosed commission that comes with the donation.

how many people are actually donating and volunteering out of their own will?
how many people are really that kind?
its a dog eat dog world.
people are selfish.
face it.

i've realised that it is much more worthwhile
to spend money on luxury items than food.

Heroes do not have to be people in special costumes
or people with super strength abilities.

They do not need to be people of high authority and power,
or those who have super-high expectations of themselves and others.

they can be ordinary people,
just like you,
and me.






Fifty-four foxtrot.
gleamz.

sian.
my unit suckx.
gotta go outfield on the national day.
my unit suckx.
sian.

sometimes..
we just keep bumping into one shit after another.
after another.
after another.

when then,
can we clear our name.

i hate www.cdc.com.sg.
loads totally slow.

Jonathan Trager, prominent television producer for ESPN, died last night from complications of losing his soul mate and his fiancee. He was 35 years old. Soft-spoken and obsessive, Trager never looked the part of a hopeless romantic. But, in the final days of his life, he revealed an unknown side of his psyche. This hidden quasi-Jungian persona surfaced during the Agatha Christie-like pursuit of his long reputed soul mate, a woman whom he only spent a few precious hours with. Sadly, the protracted search ended late Saturday night in complete and utter failure. Yet even in certain defeat, the courageous Trager secretly clung to the belief that life is not merely a series of meaningless accidents or coincidences. Uh-uh. But rather, its a tapestry of events that culminate in an exquisite, sublime plan. Asked about the loss of his dear friend, Dean Kansky, the Pulitzer Prize-winning author and executive editor of the New York Times, described Jonathan as a changed man in the last days of his life. "Things were clearer for him," Kansky noted. Ultimately Jonathan concluded that if we are to live life in harmony with the universe, we must all possess a powerful faith in what the ancients used to call "fatum", what we currently refer to as destiny.

after missing 3 interviews.
after rejecting 18 phone calls.
after receiving an email from them to wish me good lck for my future endeavour.
engineering science is back to haunt me again.
i guess they really wanted to see me.

ohsee: what are u guys doing?
us: telting maps for nxt wk outfield and 4ntm.
ohsee: see la. u guys always do things the last minute, come to last minute then chiong. after bookout timing den 'll do things much faster. so what time are u guys intendig to book out? dun book out so late.
us: (we just kept quiet)
[we hve been doing things non-stop for thepast few days, and here comes these comments.. sometimes i dun really know if the company i'm fighting with, is really worth fighting for.]

sometimes i just hate it when people ask me,
why i dun let my men do it.
it's cos i know,
that they ain't resting too.


purlease.
we are no longer the almighty 64.
we aren't the company minus that u once said we were.
we are just the barely making it 33.
the leftovers. the unfortunate 33,
who are hesistating to down,
not because we carn.
but because we dun wan.
we dun wan to leave behind the burden to the remaining few.
sometimes it really disgusts me to hear ppl pursuading others to go for it.
or people who are really perfectly fine,
saying that they downed because they were suffering.
hey!u oh-so-fit-souls.
think about the ppl left behind.
dun be so selfish.
purlease.

commanders have a very important role to play.
specs especially.
no matter how small it may ever seem,
please dun give up,
and please dun neglect it.
cos whatever decision you make,
or whatever detail you just happen to overlook,
comes with a price to pay.

this outfield experience was a really traumatic one,
i shant say what's it about,
but one thing's for sure,
its never going to leave my mind for a long long time..
i've just stepped into a path that i've never seen before,
a whole new world that i would never ever want to visit again.
just remember.
life's important.
please dun play with it.

The Square Root of 3

I fear that I will always be
A lonely number like root three
A three is all that's good and right,
Why must my three keep out of sight
Beneath a vicious square root sign,
I wish instead I were a nine
For nine could thwart this evil trick,
with just some quick arithmetic
I know I'll never see the sun, as 1.7321
Such is my reality, a sad irrationality
When hark! What is this I see,
Another square root of a three
Has quietly come waltzing by,
Together now we multiply
To form a number we prefer,
Rejoicing as an integer
We break free from our mortal bonds
And with a wave of magic wands
Our square root signs become unglued
And love for me has been renewed.

人長大了，
就會有越來越多的沒有，
有越來越多沒有可能辦到的事，
長大後，
也有越來越多沒有辦法回應的話，
長大後，
有越來越多沒有人照顧的時候，
長大後，
有越來越多沒有理由的愛情挫折，
人長大後，
真的有好多的沒有，
但是讓人長大的，
也是這些沒有。

tictoc ticktock
tic toc
ticktocktictoc
tic
tock
t i c k
t o c
tictoc tick tock
ti ck to ck
tic tick
tocktoc


guess what?
2 more days to........

today the engineering science guy called again.
050308/ 0945.
He: Hello, can i speak to Willy.
Me: Yes, speaking.
He: Aren't u supposed to be at the interview?
Me: o ya. Sorry i overslept. (what a really bad excuse)
He: okk. looks like i have to arrange another interview for u.
Me: ok.

He puts down phone. 1minute later, the phone rings again.
and i juz let it ring..


+ i just realised i lost my passion for the esp alr.

many things have happend over the past 4 months...
one of which was that am-es-kay escaped
and many youknits have been deployed to catch him.
and it was then,
that i figured out that probably.. probably..
monopoly has some roots in Singapore..

dun ever trust hollywood movies again.
no matter how nice their poster looks....
the forbidden kingdom sucks. really.

---------------------------------------
today i realised how enthu ppl can be with their job.
when it comes to insurance,
they sure hired the right people.

or izzit just the money...

Naive singaporeans

went to bugis and saw this guy
claiming that he can is willing
to do a good luck charm for FREE,
provided they would provide him with $2
for him to put into a small transparent pocket,
which he wld return to them in the end.

so this guy and his accomplices
went on to talk and talk abt the miracles of his gd luck charm.
and eventually asked who wanted to try it out,
whilst stressing that it would be absolutely free.
in the end, 30 odd spectators decided to give it a try since it was oni $2.

Ritual performed.
Money placed in the pocket, and placed on the table.
After which he blatantly said that beside this pocket,
one wld need to obtain another gd luck cloth to go with it,
if nt the the "miracle pocket" wld not work
and this cost 20$.

all the 30 spectators paid another 20$ for it.
AND THE BEST PART,
another group of 15odd spectators paid for more...

went ard and came back,
there he was busy conning yet another batch of people,
with his little gimmick.
WHAT NAIVE SINGAPOREANS.